Marriage vs. Divorce???

150 Happily Married Couples Feted

KANGAR, July 11 (Bernama) -- Senawi Mat Saman, 74, and Mariah Abdullah, 65, never gave a thought to celebrating their wedding anniversaries, but last night they were among 150 couples feted at a function themed "Cinta Abadi 40 Tahun" (40 Years of Lasting Love) held at the Menteri Besar's official residence here....

I love reading the above article by Bernama. Those people enjoy the resilient marriage that endures time and trials. However, how many of us having the advantage of long lasting marriage, let along the ever enduring love???.

A few weeks ago, I got a news of my friend's divorce. I feel sad. My friends and her ex-husband were childhood sweetheart. All those years, they managed to keep their love and understandings alive... and just after a few years of marriage ( nearly 7 years), they decided to take different routes ending the love that lasts 12 years. I also have some other friends who fell in love during university years, married during, and some after their study, and fell out of love a few years later.

Divorce now is a so social phenomenon. There's always news in newspapers or electronic media reporting about divorce among the high figures be it politicians, artists etc.etc... and even sometimes the divorce among commoners are also publicised or reported.

Why???

The subject of divorce during our fore fathers were a taboo. Not that they didn't have divorce.. it just that it is considered as an embarrassment ... the failure of a man or woman. Present, this term may have little stigma. Some people seeking divorce to get freedom, others fell out of love, some more because they cannot stand the marriage strains, and a lot other excuses.

In my opinion, many reasons can be the causes of the uprising divorce rate. First, social trend nowadays put family behind the material acquisition. People are so busy with their career and acquisition of material wealth that they forget the wealth of having good family bonding. No wonder now we can see children sending their parents off to old folks home as they don't have time to look after them. Those material wealth will not wait for them. Spouses spend less time together. The offices become the first home and their home become some kind of hotel... just a place to rest and change their attires. Some talk more to their colleagues than their spouses or children.

Second, women now are more liberal and independent. So, many will think that a divorce will not bring an end to their world. So, instead of staying in problematic or loveless marriage , they'll choose to lead separate lives. Some may even asking for a divorce even if the marriage is in good condition in order to get the so called freedom enjoyed by the singles??? It is so different from the old times where women were dependent upon their husbands that many had to stay in disastrous marriage.

Third, the interaction of man and woman are more free compared to the olden days. Now a girl can sit and talk to any man at the park or beach without causing an uproars among the parents or villagers or can we say townees. They can even hold each other and no one will come and scold them for the immoral behaviours. This kind of interaction may cause the falls in and out of love as rapid as 'Rapid KL' (ask Lembah Klang folks what is Rapid KL). So these culture sometimes might be carried into marriage life.

The free interaction also provides opportunities for them to sometimes seeks the counterpart help or advice regarding problem in their marriage. It may lead to sympathy and then eventually, love may blossom. Furthermore, man or woman get a chance to know more people of the different sexes and thus can compare and contrast.

Actually, we can find thousand reasons for the rising of the divorce rate. However, the last point I want to put forward here is the interaction of a couple before married. One of my friend told me that she once listened to the speech given by Dr. Abbas Hassan. According to Dr. Abbas, the 'barakah' or blessing of God is important to ensure the happiness and enduring marriage. Some people only start to look for His blessings after the 'aqad' or marriage solemnization, or when they are going to have a baby. They start to pray together, some may listen more to Al-Quran during their pregnancy etc. They forgot that their interaction and behaviours during the courting time is crucial to get Allah's blessing.

It is common for us to see couple holdings hand together, spending time and absorbing with each other that they forgot the night and day, let along prayer times. Folding and holding each other become trend, some may even sleep together. All these behaviours may bring wrath of Allah and when they got married, the blessing is not there. So, when problems arise, it becomes big momentum that change their relatioship.

Besides, those couple may already know the inside and outside of his/her partner and marriage is no more a process of knowing and surprising your partners. Thus, after a few years, you may get bored and start looking for other surprise.